Deleting drama from my inbox with emotional intel

Have you been in this situation?

An email sent to the board of directors or colleagues at your association sparks controversy. An argument ensues and the email trail grows rapidly. Emotions flare. Side conversations erupt and blind copy is used. Before you know it, the point of the original email is totally lost.

Some days it seems the "e" in email stands for "emotional."  Wouldn’t it be easier to cut through that drama and discuss the association’s strategic direction, membership retention or marketing initiatives? After all, isn’t that why we are associating in the first place?

Association professionals know the importance of effective communication and since email is an integral part of our daily lives, being good at email communication means being an effective association professional.

When I participated in a tweet chat on emotional intelligence (EI) via #assnchat on Twitter, I couldn’t help but wonder how EI can be used to avoid email disasters like the scenario above. Working with volunteer leaders at various trade associations, some of my relationships are exclusively based on email. Using a bit of EI in my email correspondence goes a long way in getting my messages across and increasing productivity.

So, what’s Emotional Intelligence?
During an ASAE CareerHQ event this week, executive coach, trainer, and facilitator Tom Pierce shared how EI can be used as career insurance. People are hired for their IQ, he said, and fired for their personality, or low EQ (emotional intelligence). This makes EI pretty important!

So what is emotional intelligence? EI is the ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and in others. Emotional Intelligence 2.0, a book by TalentSmart, describes the building blocks of EI as:

• self-awareness,
• self-management,
• social awareness and
• relationship management.

A basic component of EI is awareness of your own feelings and mood as well as those of others. The book also includes a test to measure your EI and gives tips on how to boost your emotional intelligence.

In an interview with Kiki L’Italien on EI, Jamie Notter noted management of emotions--of self and others-- are more important aspects of EI than the way one expresses emotions. Having a sense of empathy, or the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, also improves your EI.

How to use EI in email communication
Miscommunication involving emotional breakdowns is breeding ground for major problems with governance groups. Intentional sarcasm, condescension or anger in an email message only makes matters worse. Emotion portrayed in an email can be interpreted differently when being read by different people in the same way that a story or poem will have various interpretations. This makes awareness of emotions over email very tricky, even for those with the most advanced EI.

I employ these tactics to delete the emotional drama that is taking up so much of my "soft drive:"

• Be brief and be clear. – Write short email with a crystal clear point. Use facts and avoid being too opinionated. It leaves room for misinterpretation.

• Wait. – Write your email, proofread it, and take care of some other business before you have second look at it. When you read it a second or third time, did it convey the tone you intended? If you were emotional when you wrote it, a little time can settle you down, allowing you to communicate your message in a much better way. Obviously, not every email can be treated this way, but pick out the important ones.

• Pick up the phone! – While email can be quick and convenient, certain discussions need to be handled over the phone, or in person. It is easier to gauge emotions when you can pick up on cues like tone and body language when you are speaking over the phone or face to face.

Emotion is a natural part of any communication and shouldn’t be avoided completely. The challenge is to avoid turning conflicting emotions into drama. Engaging your EI, managing your emotions and those around you while communicating via email will make your job a lot easier.

Is Technology impairing the EI of young professionals?

As part of his presentation, Tom showed us some interesting data on age and EI trends. The older you are the more EI you possess. Does this mean young professionals have less EI because there is more technology out there (social media, texting, email) that virtually eliminates the need to interact with human beings? Or, does the data indicate that it takes time and experience to cultivate and nurture your emotional intelligence?

I like to think that the latter is true. Research has demonstrated that EI is crucial in relationship management at any age, but if you are aware of EI and build that relationship capital as a young professional, you will be ahead of the curve. I don' think technology impairs EI, but rather helps to flourish it. As Daniel Goleman noted in his pioneer 1995 New York Times bestseller Emotional Intelligence, the practical lesson for us all comes down to: Nourish your social connections.